Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
