I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
