sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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