My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
