So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
