I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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