I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
