I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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