i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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