he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
