thus making me awesome and them whores
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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