NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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