the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Everclear isn't food dammit
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
