His hands were made for my vagina.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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