Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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