I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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