omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
