Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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