I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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