Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
