her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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