You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
