no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
