Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Randomize
