So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
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so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
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Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
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