guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
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