We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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