Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
