you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
