Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
