Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I just want to make out with him forever
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
