I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
