I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
