I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
