no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
