I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize