I wanna bring you to show and tell
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
