glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
So many bounce houses so little time
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
