She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
