oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
wakey wakey hands off snakey
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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