I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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