i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize