His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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