I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
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He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
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drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize