I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
