I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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