don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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