I'm going to rape someone's good day.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Randomize
