no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
