I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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