there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
