Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
did i walk over a car last night?
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
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Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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