We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
