I'm so fucking centered right now
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
