o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
