So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I could have mohawked her pubes.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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